Dear Husband…

Dear Husband...

As I troll on your FB page, (I haven’t done that in months. Oh, and you’re blocked from my timeline as well) I see the kind of life you seem to be living. While a part of me would still like to be included in your life, I realize that I really shouldn’t. You called me a moon one time. You said you knew I had the potential to become a Sun but because I always got in the way of myself, I was a moon instead, shining only because of the sun’s reflection. Who was the sun? You?

What’s your life going to be like in 5 years? Will you finally be out of your parent’s home with your own car? Or did your family cripple both you and your brother and you’re doomed to eternally living at home? Because as I see myself struggling but making shit happen for myself, I still see you. The same way I met you. At home with mom and dad. Started from the bottom and now you’re…back at the bottom?

I don’t know why I feel this bitterness towards you. Maybe it’s because I get reminded from time to time that you’re kind of a flake. And a runner. You run from your issues. Because when I wasn’t the problem, when your parents were on your ass about your career change, you shunned them EXACTLY how you are now shunning me. When we had issues at home and I suggested counseling, you pretended like I never said such a word. Counseling. Why do you run from your problems? Where did you learn to do that?

You always talk about being afraid of no one or anything, but honey…. I beg to differ. You are afraid of something. You should try and figure out what that is before you ruin another woman. See, I’ve always called myself a Black Widow Spider. I annihilate my mates. I crush them, and then move on to the next man. But you’re the same. You annihilate the chance of anything healthy to flourish. What happened to you? You claim that your mother molested you when you were young but then you never wanted to talk about it. Did you learn to run from problems because no one believed you when you tried talking about it and instead they shunned you mentally?

As I sit here and wonder who is in your life now, I realize. I’m not one of them, because I don’t belong there. And in time I will be perfectly OK with that. Because there’s love. For me. But not within you.


I don’t always wish you the best,

Lady X


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